Death by Chocolate

There have been a few instances in my life that really stand out in my memory. One of them is the day Puan Florence gave me a small little bookmark. I have it still. The kind gesture touched me, but what touched me even more was what she wrote on it. She said, “Thank you.” She wrote out all the little things that I had done that she wanted to thank me for. That really touched me because it was all the little things that I never even knew made a difference and that I had never dreamed anyone would notice and what’s more to thank me for.

As I stammered to thank her for the gift, she smiled and said, “We must not wait till a person has died to tell them how much they mean to us. When they die, they can’t hear us anymore.”

That message really struck me and I made a decision to try to make sure that the people around me who mean the most to me know exactly how much they do mean to me. My sister asked me once why I ended every phone call with her with an “I love you che.”

The reason is this.

If you’ve ever wondered why I hug my friends before I leave them even though I’m going to see them again soon..

The reason is this.

If you’ve ever heard me on the phone with my parents and heard me say “Love you Mum, Dad” before I hang up…

The reason is this.

If you’ve ever wondered why I sometimes come up with an unexpected gift for a friend for no reason…

The reason is this.

And if you’re wondering why I’m writing this right now…

The reason is this…

You made a difference in my life, and you mean a lot to me.

It’s Easter again! I think I like easter better than Christmas sometimes. Hehe. Christmas is for me in Kuching, what Chinese New Year is for me here in KL. A time to meet up with family. For some reason, Chinese New Year is always rather sedate back home in terms of family, but Christmas is a fiesta! But here in KL with my other side of the family, it’s the other way around. Of course, Chinese New Year at my house in Kuching is always hectic… We usually have open house and so we do get quite a few visitors each year. If I remember correctly, the record still stands at 5 families at one go in my home.

Anyway, back to Easter. I love Easter because of its meaning. I feel like this year I rediscovered the meaning of Easter in church. Although, I was dead tired because the mass was from 11:30pm to 3am at SFX. Good grief! But it was a meaningful mass just the same. Although I think that in future I will go for the earlier one, or at least take a cat nap before the midnight mass. Hehe. Thanks Eva for persuading me to go!

Things have been crazy these few days in uni. There’s so much work to do I can’t believe it. And the worst part is that I didn’t procrastinate…but there’s still way too much work for me to handle. Last night I K.O.-ed and slept from 8pm till around 6 am this morning. That’s really how tired I was.

I’m looking forward to the day when I’m back home in Kuching for a period longer than 2 weeks. Hehe. Whatever anyone else may say, I want to be home… in my own room, on my own bed, in familiar surroundings, where I have a car to drive, and TV to watch. I want to be with my family. I miss them very much. I miss my parents. I miss breakfast with my mum, and late night talks with my dad on the patio. I miss going for drives with them on a lazy day. I miss the two kids next door and Aunty May and Uncle Andrew. I miss my Godmother. I miss going over to her place to pass her something or to get something from her. I miss baking cakes and sending them over to her. I miss lazing on her sofa (Lorenzo!) which she says I can have next time. I miss Aunty Amelia, going over to her place and persuading her to come jogging with me. I miss talking to her. I miss Aunty Grace and Uncle Vernon, and their two kids my cousins. I wish we could do what we did last time.. have a cousin day together and bake pizza together. I miss Uncle Alan… having him come by occasionally on his electric motor bike in the evenings. I miss Budet, Aunty Grace’s maid, who I love talking to. She’s so nice and she really is the best maid any family could ask for.

When I go back this time around, I want to see my teachers in school. I miss them too. I miss Pn Euphrasia and Pn Sandy. I miss Pn Tan too. I miss Pn Wong and Pn Liew. I still remember certain important things that they taught us that I still find extremely relevant in my studies today. Strange that at the time I didn’t think that I would make use of the information, but it stayed with me and now sometimes when my lecturer mentions something I can make an immediate connection and it helps my understanding a lot.

I miss Nenek and the kids at the cancer ward! I want to go back to visiting them regularly again. Those visits I made previously really meant a lot to me and it taught me many many things that I could not have learnt anywhere else. Sometimes, I really believe that I find God at the cancer ward. Sometimes I cannot find Him in church. But I find Him at the cancer ward. And as weird as this may sound, I feel a stronger connection with Him at the cancer ward than I do in church. God is in the priest, who when I asked him to please come because there’s a little girl who wants to be baptised, came without hesitation. And who kept coming back to see the children even without an invitation. God is in the little miracles that happen…like the day that we wanted to celebrate Morgan’s birthday and the guy at the bakery gave me three extra slices of cake for the children. And on the day when we celebrated Christmas together at the ward and I was so worried about presents, but then a lady at the stationery shop came and offered to sponsor all the gifts. And the baker sponsored the cake and other goodies besides. I remember that day, waking up early to cook the extra food and everyone in my family chipped in to help. I remember the pain I felt every time some child I knew passed on. Father Chris tells me that this pain is what it means to be human. Why did Jesus weep? He asked me. He wept because He felt pain, because He understood what it means to be human.

Easter is about new life…about being born again in Christ. To me, it’s also about turning a new leaf on a few things. I miss a lot of things and I feel that I have changed a lot since my school days. Sometimes here in KL I feel so disillusioned because honestly people here are always on the go that it’s easy to lose sight of things that matter. And because everyone is always on the go, I also feel the need to be on the go too. I guess I don’t want my life to be all about getting more and more money. I want a simple life - with family. I want to slow down for a moment and get my bearings right again and then move on to my next destination in life. I really feel a need to get back in touch with things that are important to me. I want to believe again in the kindness of people, in the simplicity of life, in the love that transcends races. In kuching, it was possible to have a christmas party at the cancer ward with all the different races and everyone got presents and had a good time. But here, mention christmas and everyone who is not christian is up in arms and says that it’s a sensitive thing. And so here it is called the year-end party. Life is too short for all these small grievances. I think that there are bigger things to worry ourselves with.

I went to an American Universities Education Fair a few days ago. It was definitely one of the better educational fairs that I have been to in my life. For one thing, they were very well prepared and very well organized. They had people to direct us all the way from the lobby right up to the 6th floor where the fair was. I was impressed. I was even more impressed when they gave me a pencil and a notepad after I had registered my name. That was extremely useful. And they made it even more seamless by providing everyone with a brochure that lists down all participating universities and their courses offered so that you did not have to waste time going to each booth to enquire but could instead pick and choose which university reps you wanted to talk to. It made the process a lot faster for everyone.

But the one thing that really struck me was how the representatives of the universities carried themselves. They were not only professional, they were extremely approachable and very friendly. And most importantly, they were very knowledgeable and could answer every query very well. They were also very helpful. I was so amazed when one lady approached the rep of a uni and asked her if they offered a particular course. The rep was so friendly! She greeted the lady with a jovial hi! and listened attentively, and when she had to tell the lady her regrets that the university does not offer that particular course, she didn’t just turn the lady away. She said, “Come, do sit down and let me help you look for a good school that would have an offer for what you’re looking for.” And she took the time to recommend different universities that the lady could apply to for the course that she was interested in.

Another rep was so polite to those who had been waiting as he tended to others…he said to them, “Thank you so much for waiting! How may I help you?” when he could finally give them his full attention.

And even when the reps could not give me much information regarding the course I was looking for because they were targeting mostly undergraduate students, they urged me to leave them my contact so that they could mail me the information as soon as they got back into office. “I’m afraid it will take three weeks, as I do not return from traveling till then” said one. But he emailed me a day after the fair to give me the links to the university’s website so that I could get more information on my own in my leisure time while waiting for the prospectus to arrive.

Ahem…and now to look at my own university…. a few weeks ago, Eva and I went to the Seksyen Peperiksaan to request to have our exam transcripts translated to English so that we could apply overseas for graduate courses. The first time we went there, the man in charge refused to entertain us until we had gotten our latest results. He told us to come back at 3pm. So we did, bringing along our latest results transcripts.

He was late.

And once he finally did take the time to see us, he said “ok, you perlu tulis surat. Lepas tu datang balik lagi.” (You have to write a letter. Come back and see me again once you have done so.” He did not bother to tell us the proper details of the entire procedure or confirm with us how much we were to pay. When finally Eva had written her letter, we went back to look for him and he was not around. Another lady working there asked us what we wanted, and we explained to her. She did not even know the entire proper procedure and told us she could call us. Which she didn’t do immediately.

Neither of them were friendly, approachable, or at all knowledgeable about the procedures. And I thought it was not professional of them to not give us every detail straight away but made the entire process tedious and tiresome by making us come back every single time to get minor details which they could tell us in the first place. For example, he could have told eva and I that we needed to write a letter and pay to the Bendahari a certain amount of money before coming back so that he could process it for us. But no, he made us get out exam transcripts first, and made us go back to see him, and then only said we had to write a letter. And then he didn’t tell us how much we needed to pay till later.

First impressions count. And, like it or not, people do judge a book by its cover. So if first impressions are anything to go by, if I were an international student from anywhere but Malaysia and America and I experienced both incidents, I would choose to go to American universities.

Can you see the difference?

I am a self-proclaimed Foodie and proud of it!

I love food. I love to tinker around the kitchen and whip up something nice to eat. I love baking. Nothing makes my head turn faster than the smell of something delicious on the table. And nothing on TV sustains my interest longer than a good cooking show like Nigella’s Feasts or Surreal Gourmet.

My mum actually put together a cookbook for me. And she bought two cookbooks for me at a sale which I have yet to open and discover. I think I may have more cookbooks at home than Times bookstore in Riverside.

I learned four new recipes today which I can’t wait to try once I’m back home in kuching! I can imagine my mum shaking her head already and saying "Economic disaster!". Hehe.

But seriously, doesn’t a Chocolate Heaven Chocolate Cake sound absolutely divine? If you see the lovely sticky chocolate icing on it, I’m sure you would want to try it on the spot too!

Ah…this is heaven!

This is a semester break unlike any other.

For one thing, I’m not in kuching… yet. hehe

For another, I actually opened my book and studied! Even though it was only a mere three pages, but there you have it! I did something productive this holiday. Besides going to lab, that is.

A few of us joined some molecular biology and biotech quiz recently so I attempted to study for it. As it turned out, all the studying in the world…even if I had read Plant Biotechnology by Adrian Slater from cover to cover…would not have helped at all. The questions were very fundamental in a way…it’s something we should know as biotech students. Which we weren’t, by the way. I think of all the teams that attended this quiz, we were the only genetics major. Everyone else was from biotech.

So we were four students from genetics, trying to convince a panel of judges about some new biotech way to turn agricultural wastes to value-added products.

We failed, needless to say.

But it was a valuable learning experience. I realised that in this field, it doesn’t do to be so specialised. It’s important to know something about everything, because ultimately it is the application of knowledge that matters.

We really wanted to kill ourselves during the finals though because the questions were so incredibly our-cup-of-tea-ish that I announced that I needed Haagen Daz ice-cream to comfort myself after it was over. If we had made it to the finals, I believe we would have done really well. There were some questions that were so simple, I couldn’t belive the two teams up there couldn’t answer it on the spot! But then again, they are biotech students and we are genetics students and however you look at it, there are fundamental differences in what we learn…or should I say, the focus of what we learn respectively.

Bravo to the two teams from USM and UCSI! They really did well and I’m impressed with them!

For the rest of us…it’s KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

I am seriously pek chek. Not only because of exams, but because I feel that there are a few things that are unfair.

Maybe I should not be so frustrated over small things, but I feel the injustice of it. Next sem onwards, no one…and I mean absolutely NO ONE is going to be able to borrow any of my lab reports. I am sick and tired of people borrowing to copy…"marianne I don’t know how to do…I want to see how you do your discussion". The latest one? It was an sms. There wasn’t even a hello. "Can you email me your plant molecular biology lab report? My email is lalalala…."

Forget it man.

Look, what in the world makes you think I know how to do it the moment I read the lab report? As a matter of fact, I don’t..but I try…I read up and just try…

Make a freaking effort.

I don’t mind as much if really you’ve already tried and if really cannot and I can help, then I don’t mind at all. Maybe my answers aren’t always right, but if I can help, I would. But you can’t just take it from me to copy. And enjoy yourself watching movies and clubbing and what have yous and then when it’s due.. copy from me. Is it FAIR? What makes you think you have a right to copy and get the same marks as the rest of us?

And those of you who want past year papers? In case you didn’t notice, there’s a nice big white building in UM called the MAIN LIBRARY. Go and get it yourself there. I am sick and tired of people…WHO HAVE CARS, MIND YOU…asking it from me….I don’t mind friends who are from outstation and really couldn’t get a hold of it getting it from me. But those of you with cars, who can’t even make a freaking effort to go and photocopy your own notes let alone your own past year papers, EVERYTHING IS IN THE MAIN LIBRARY.

For your information, I walk 30 minutes to get to the main library. I don’t even have a car and I don’t have Internet access where I stay. And you do…

Tell me, what’s your excuse?

Okay okay, by the looks of it I’m probably not going to be able to get a new laptop.

But it’s ok…I enjoyed window shopping for one. Muahahaha..

Everyone I spoke to had different opinions about the brands. Some like Acer, some don’t. Some think Compaq is good, some don’t. Some said Dell was good, some said it gave some problems. And so on and so forth.

But everyone I spoke to (well, who is currently using a Mac) about Mac all said that it was very good. Incredibly, I never realised Mac was so user-friendly and had so many good features. My lecturer’s Macbook is 5 years old and it looks way better and functions a whole lot better than some other newer laptops I’ve seen. In fact, I was shocked when she told me it was 5 years old.

I’m in love with Mac!

When I start working, I shall get myself a Mac…

Anyone can cook

so says Auguste Gusteau in Ratatouille…

=)

I loved that show. Pixar outdid themselves again. It was an incredible movie and it made me feel guilty about all the rats that I dissected in form 6…what if I had killed a potential chef eh?

We’ll never know now.

Anyway, this movie gets a 5 star rating from me!

I’m so free at the moment, it worries me… my samples are not here yet and I can’t do my lab work. Last sem I barely had a free moment but now I’m so free, I’m worried! Nothing comes for free though, and I guess all this free time will be paid for during my semester break when I have to stay in to do my lab work.

Would rather have a hectic sem than a hectic sem break. So alang-alang. And I need to go home. I’ve barely been home this entire year. I’d like to be at home where I have my own room, an entire kitchen at my disposal, no worries about having to walk 35 minutes just to get to class, where I have better food, and yes…did I mention my bed? I want my bed! However childish this sounds…I want my bed!!!! I haven’t been able to sleep on my own bed for an entire year already. Everytime I go back, we have guests and my room is always the guest room.

I digress.

We celebrated raph’s and alvin’s bdays last week friday. I had a great time catching up with Kim and Eugenie. Haven’t seen them for ages. And it seems so long since we last had a good time laughing and talking things over. The only thing missing was bubble tea. We tortured ourselves with some taiwanese sausage…it was so incredibly spicy everone was suffering!

The cake was superb! Royal Chocolate cake from La Manila…I highly recommend it. Unfortunately, someone at Xavier Hall stole half of two slices that I had saved for Yien. Geram only. And in a CHURCH compound too. I was speechless.

Class in 20 minutes.

Optimash Prime is seriously cute. LOL. Oh man, what wouldn’t I give to be a little girl again…darn it, where were you when I was a lil girl??? Hehehe. I’m too old to play with a mr potato head who transforms into optimus prime. hahaha.

After an entire week of threatening to bring me down, the flu has finally got its grasp on me. I’ve been feeling so tired from all the work and the walking that it was just inevitable that after handball on friday I would wake up the next day sneezing non-stop. I was looking forward to a nice happy weekend at my bro’s place but ended up spending most of it unconscious. Haha. I tried to be a kuai kia and do my work but I just couldn’t. Kept getting dizzy. And the saddest part was I actually had cheese baked rice for lunch and I couldn’t finish it!

What a tragedy! =( Haih. As all lovers of cheese will attest, nothing hurts more than having a sumptuous meal of cheese right in front of you and not having any appetite at all to eat it. Talk about a dangling carrot.

I have a presentation after this. Hopefully it goes ok and that I don’t start sneezing while trying to present my final year project. I have a horror of explaining something halfway and then going..HA-CHOO!!…in the midst of it. What an anti-climax.

The postgrad who’s helping me with my final year project told me that it can be considered quite difficult. And I had an idea of just how difficult it would be last week. I spent a total of 8 hours in the lab over two days just extracting RNA and it degraded in my eppendorf tube. Very very sad la. Haih. The moment it comes to room temperature it degrades so you have to be extremely careful. But the stubborn pellet of RNA, DNA and protein contaminants refused…absolutely refused with a capital R to dissolve in the DEPC-treated water. So basically, it was all degraded as I was forced to spend so much time trying to get it to dissolve..a process which I could not do on ice.

Anyway, jia you for this week! I shall roll up my sleeves and try again.

My brother was in kuching over the weekend for some project. My mum sent over some mooncake for me! I was so happy! And she remembered my fave too…I was so touched. I love you mum! You’re the best! =)

I’m missing Mike very much. I really feel like it’s been so long since I last saw him. Somehow, SMS and calls can never be the same as being with the person. I never realised how much his weekly visits meant to me until now. 13 more days until I can see my dearest again…

I have to go for lab soon..=( although I really wish I didn’t have to. It’s tiring…I feel extremely drained of energy because of the flu.

Just over a week and I would have ended my 2nd year as an undergraduate. Phew! I can’t wait, actually… this whole sem has been one big SIGH. hahahaha.

Exam period is always very stressful for me.

I’ve been downing cups of coffee and green tea ever since last week already so I’ll be really glad when the exam is over. I hate the feeling of waking up tired but knowing that you can’t sleep because there’s just so much to learn.

I am never taking 7 subjects at one go ever again.

crap…I should’ve known better. I should have just opted to extend for another year rather than subject myself to an entire sem of this. But as with everything else that has happened this entire sem, I felt that I didn’t have much of an option. As with everything else that has happened this sem, I found myself faced with a tough decision.

I feel bad for the exchange students from Korea who sat for the exam today with me. I think this is where our uni fails to provide adequate services for foreigners. Not only were all the announcements during the exam made in BM, none of the invigilators seemed to be aware that there were foreigners present who could not understand what was being said. I sat next to two of them and I felt really bad because the Korean guy tried talking to me to ask for help but by that time the exam papers were already on our tables and I was afraid that it could be misconstrued as cheating. The only thing I could do for him was to catch the attention of a passing invigilator and direct his attention to the Korean guy so that he could help him. Anyhow, I still felt bad over the whole thing. I really felt that the uni should have given them a special briefing about how the exam is conducted and how to fill in the attendance forms. You can’t assume that they would naturally know these things.

Developmental genetics is up next…sigh…bring on the coffee.